so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
