I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
