At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
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