I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
