So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
