Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
