so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
