I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
