the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
