Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
