Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
