I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You have to summon your inner elephant
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
