You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
