Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
