my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize