I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
