He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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