I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize