i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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