Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
