I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
