how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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