remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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