I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
