I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
