Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you traded sex for a burrito?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
