Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
