I'm going to jail i love you
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
