True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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