Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
