if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
