He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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