I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
