Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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