Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
