lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
