i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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