she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
