It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
