You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
