i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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