just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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