Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
