i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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