He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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