im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
