I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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