I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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