I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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