it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
