How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
