cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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