How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
try to milk me bitch
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