i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
