i just wanna soil my oats bro
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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