We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
