Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
