Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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