Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
