Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
