apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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