and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
