I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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