Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
