things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
