i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
