just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I have post one night stand depression
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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