I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
