College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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