I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
