In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
