the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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