wake up i wanna do it froggy style
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
