He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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