Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize