dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
