i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
