I cockslap morals
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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