According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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