I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
