you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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