Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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