Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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