DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
