If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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