i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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