So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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