My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
