we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
