Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
