guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I want a musical about memes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
