Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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