Umm I'm too high to move.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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