I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
