Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
false alarm. still invincible.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
