I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
